One of my favorite video game on Nintendo has been Final Fantasy. It is a role playing game - a few warriors roam around a map and fighting monsters on the way. In the beginning, the characters had only a few hit points. After each battle, the characters acquire experience point and level up after having enough fighting experience.

The monsters in different geographical areas are also different. In the beginning, giant snails may come out, and later vampires and undead. For craven players like myself, I would keep walking around a fair field fighting only with monster that I could win easily, until I gained enough experience so that I would be powerful enough to fight more dangerous monsters before I entered those caves.
This.. perhaps.. has been my approach with life as well. I learn a few tricks (and level up), and stay in fairly comfortable places to exercise those tricks (fighting the monsters) until I becomes so good at fighting the battle locally. There have been a few times in my life where I enter a cave here and there to fight more powerful monsters. But then I remained again and played the same game again and again.

This is more or less the summary of my life: moving to Canada in 93 got me to become a thinker after staring at the ceiling at the dark for many nights; deciding to following Jesus in 95 was completely life transforming, and really set the foundation of who I am today; my internship in Ottawa in 99 got to me meet my mentor; the understanding of holy spirit in 01 revolutionized my core being; coming to Boston in 02 sparked my intellectual revolution; the exploration of history and learning languages from 03 added concreteness to my understanding of just about everything; starting to deal with people in 05 changes my interactions and helps me to start asking the question about lasting impact.
But now I am stuck. What got me here won't get me there. Worse yet, I don't know where there is. I can stay around and fight the monster that I know so well, or I can venture into the cave and meet new monsters.
I am searching for a spiritual director, a career mentor and a life coach. Today as I was reflecting, I realize that I am extremely fearful of what could be in store. I have to get myself off my comfort zone, and asks questions that I don't dare asking for my life so far. I need to get into the cave first, and then level up. The safe way of leveling up first then get into the cave may work in games, but it does not work in life. It's like the major league, only going in the cave would I find others who have also been fighting those great battles. These forerunners will be my guide and inspiration, but it is up to me whether I seek to find them.
Just like how "Kremmydi on the Run" (the first version of my blog 5 years ago before it eventually went 4G) used to say... Run, Kremmydi, Run... I have exhausted the toolkit that makes me who I am today. It's been fun, but I know one thing - it is not good enough, and it is certainly not great. And simply - I cannot settle for mere good.
Run, Kremmydi, Run...